“The current theme does not support menus.”

The first thing that you have to do to add this functionality to Arthemia (or any other pre-3.0 theme for that matter) is open up the functions.php file in your theme folder.

In that file, you want to add the following code:

if (function_exists('add_theme_support')) {
	add_theme_support('menus');
}

You can add this pretty much anywhere, but the best place to insert it is just before the last

?>

this will ensure that you don’t mess with any other functions already in the file. Save the functions.php file and close it.

Now you can go to Dashboard > Appearance > Menus and you will see that the the menu function is now supported. In this window, you first want to give your menu a name. Since I am replacing Arthemia’s navigation menu, I will call mine “Site Navigation” but you can really call it anything you want. Giving the menu a name allows you to place multiple menus in any template file. After naming and saving the custom menu, you have several options to add and organize the links in the menu. For example, you can select the Pages and Categories you want to add then click the Add to Menu button. Note that you can also add custom links to either internal or external url’s. You can also drag the menus into any order that you want. Set the menu up however you like and save it. You can now close the menu management window.

Finally, to add the new menu to your theme, open up the template file where you want the menu. In Arthemia, I want to simply replace the main navigation at the top of the page, so I open up the header.php file. Here you want to add the code:

<?php wp_nav_menu('menu=Site Navigation'); ?>

To wherever you want the menu to appear.
(Note that “Site Navigation” is what ever the custom menu name you gave the menu)

In Arthemia look for the code:

<li><a href="<?php echo get_option('home'); ?>/">Home</a></li>

<?php wp_list_pages('sort_column=menu_order&title_li='); ?>

</ul>

and replace

<?php wp_list_pages('sort_column=menu_order&title_li='); ?>

with

<?php wp_nav_menu('menu=Site Navigation'); ?>

this leaves the “Home” menu item in place, and adds your custom menu after it. If you wanted to get rid of the home menu you could delete that as well, just make sure you leave the list tags in place so that the menu styles correctly. There are tons of parameters available to the custom menu, many of which allow you to assign classes and tags. To see the code that is actually added to the page, open it up, control+click (or right+click) on the code, and select “view source” and you should be able to figure out how you can style it to your hearts content. So that is it – WordPress has done an excellent job creating a way for you to have an infinite number of custom menus.

Anyway, for my 101st straight post, I thought it would be fun to play that old Google game “Rusty Needs.” Everybody Googles themselves every once in a while, only to find out that there is someone out there with the same name as yours that is way more popular than you, as clearly demonstrated by their Google page ranking. What can you do about it? Simple: just ask Google what you need to be a better, more popular person. How do you do it? In Google, just type in “Your Name Needs” in quotation marks and BAM! Google will tell you all your shortcomings. I actually think the first time I saw this game you were actually supposed to type in “Your Name wants,” but that seems so decadent in today’s economy. I think it is much better to stick to needs until things turn around for sure.

So here are mine – surprisingly, none of these really seems very surprising at all – my immediate response to most of them is “Tell me about it…” So anyway – next week is my birthday – anything on this list would be fine by me.

1. Rusty needs to be separated from the sheep when they are worked.
2. Rusty needs to take some time before he begins in order to be sure.
3. Rusty needs to recognize his assumptions and work to eliminate them.
4. Rusty needs swimmies.
5. Rusty needs school
6. Rusty needs our prayers.
7. Rusty needs our help.
8. Rusty needs our help again.
9. Rusty needs repair.
10. Rusty needs to lock it up!
11. Rusty needs a special home.
12. Rusty needs a foster, fast!
13. Rusty needs to ride the coat tails of Penske Racing.
14. Rusty Needs Help To Face His Future.
15. Rusty needs some friends.
16. Rusty needs to disassociate himself or his credibility will be in question, especially since this company is under investigation for criminal activity.
17. Rusty needs a new oar.
18. Rusty needs a stable relationship.
19. Rusty needs a caretaker.
20. Rusty’s needs would be better met in a home free of the dominance issues and tussles that ensue.
21. Rusty NEEDS a job.
22. Rusty needs something that will keep him active for a good long time.
23. Rusty needs to take lessons.
24. Rusty needs to generate some buzz around the brand.
25. Rusty needs a fenced yard and prerfers to have the company of another dog.
26. Rusty needs more listeners.
27. Rusty needs some mud boggers in Volkswagen Cars.
28. Rusty needs to get on with his life.
29. Rusty needs some parts.
30. Rusty needs our help, and we’re going to help him.
31. Rusty needs to go to a large university hospital where they are more familiar with his polycythemia.
32. Rusty needs something a little more interesting.
33. Rusty needs a truck, I think.
34. Rusty needs a little time out to rest!
35. Rusty needs a family to call his own.
36. Rusty needs to mind his own business.
37. Rusty needs a new pair of…everything.
38. Rusty needs a chassis.
39. Rusty needs no grease.
40. Rusty needs help to face his future.
41. Rusty needs a date.
42. Rusty needs to find a job.
43. Rusty needs repairs in the business.
44. Rusty needs to get on with his life.
45. Rusty needs food but has to get past the deli counter without the butcher seeing him!
46. rusty. Needs a good stiff working over.
47. Rusty needs more disk space and needs to have his home directory relocated to another server.
48. Rusty needs just one point for his 3rd Championship.
49. Rusty needs to help Kyle.
50. Rusty needs some time in the shop…
51. Rusty needs re-chroming.
52. Rusty needs someone better.
53. Rusty needs a good balance of rest and play!
54. Rusty needs parents that will be willing to have patience with him.
55. Rusty needs to be gone thru.
56. Rusty needs a girl. Maybe.
57. Rusty needs a jacket and tie to meet the dean of engineering.
58. Rusty needs total restoration.
59. Rusty needs another Bristol win bad.
60. Rusty needs to have a little fun before he starts getting stuck in those love triangles.
61. Rusty Needs different shirt.
62. Rusty needs to be close to me which ever room I’m in.
63. Rusty needs a clean-up.
64. Rusty needs a strong leader and can sometimes get overly excited.
65. Rusty needs a fenced in yard to run around and play in.
66. Rusty needs the money.
67. Rusty needs cleaning.
68. Rusty needs further inspection.
69. Rusty needs to up his game tho.
70. Rusty needs some convincing.
71. Rusty needs to take lessons.
72. Rusty needs a new “Punchy.”
73. Rusty needs to get his child and leave.
74. Rusty needs to find a roommate.
75. Rusty needs a new master cylinder.
76. Rusty needs a new mommy.
77. Rusty needs floor pans.
78. Rusty needs to CALM DOWN.
79. Rusty needs only the stern discipline of an older man.
80. Rusty needs to take your little arse out behind the barn and straighten you out.
81. Rusty needs an active home that will help him expend his energy.
82. Rusty needs to stay off her turf.
83. Rusty needs attention.
84. Rusty needs to be resealed.
85. Rusty needs a 75% reduction.
86. Rusty needs to get a life and take responsibilities for his actions.
87. Rusty needs help. Again.
88. Rusty needs out!
89. Rusty needs something to do.
90. Rusty needs a way to make a living for himself.
91. Rusty needs to adopt the belief that it is better to face a conflict or an issue right away and not let it fester.
92. Rusty needs to chill.
93. Rusty needs a little TLC.
94. Rusty needs help if he’s going to improve his grades.
95. Rusty needs and all the supplements.
96. Rusty needs to go.
97. Rusty needs someone to rig some player models.
98. Rusty needs a cell phone.
99. Rusty needs to fix these pipes.
100. Rusty needs a treat.
101. Rusty’s needs are few and his heart is huge.

Damn straight on that last one.

1. I still really enjoy looking at her.
2. She has to be the funniest person I know.
3. No one works harder and is more diligent, thoughtful and caring.
4. She is my best friend – as such she would be compelled to tell me how awful my new wife was for me. I mean that is what best friends do, right?
5. I have invested so much time in causing her a lifetime of heartache and aggravation I cannot imagine throwing all of that hard work away and starting over with someone else.

But just to be on the safe side – I am getting a subscription to the Reader’s Digest ASAP. It seems their readers have a much more happy and successful married life than everyone else in the world.

Granted, wheelchair curling is a little like methadone for the hard-core addict, but at least it is something…

To my parents, “Made in Japan” meant “substandard, shoddy work.” But in my lifetime “Made in Japan” came to mean “really, really good at making thousands of the same thing over and over again.” For some reason in the seventies we had come to accept mass production as meaning crap that would not last very long. Toyota changed all that. Their idea that you do the best you can today, so that tomorrow you might do better again changed manufacturing in America forever.

So how did Toyota get here? For a company that eschewed American automotive manufacturing strategies, today is remarkably reminiscent of the Ford Pinto scandal of the 70′s – in the end it seems Toyota learned all the wrong lessons. But I am not ready to throw Toyota to the wolves (or the Foxes) just yet. I still do not think there is a better example of “incremental perfectionism.” That is what America manufacturing learned from Toyota: “Every single change should make the whole better, and every day you should change incrementally.” This is indeed how you make “Quality Job One.” Incrementally. As designers I think we have forgotten this to some degree – today we most often see current circumstances as something not yet perfect; the future is simply something to be “fixed.” It is nice to be reminded that this is the farthest from the truth; instead we just do the best we can today. And tomorrow we do better. “Perfect” is indeed our goal, but it is by no means our destination.

Google Calculator
Thanks to Google Calculator, you can use the Google search box for serious number crunching–anything from converting currency to solving advanced math equations. But things don’t always add up the way you think they will with Google Calculator. Try searching for “answer to life the universe and everything,” “number of horns on a unicorn,” or “once in a blue moon” for unexpected computations.

Google Ninja
While using Google Reader, use the arrow keys and type “up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A”  and a little ninja appears on the left of the screen. This is of course a play on the cheat code that worked on early Nintendo video games produced by the Japanese entertainment company Konami.

I’m Feewing Wucky
Google has created a number of “special” versions of its search pages, including one for Klingons, one for pirates, and even one for elmer fudd. The one for the Swedish Chef supposedly gets over a million searches a day…

I’m Feeling Lucky
OK, these are not technically Google Easter Eggs, but there are tons of folks that have gamed Google SEO in such a way as to get the search engine to point to their websites when you type in a particular search string and then hit “I’m Feeling Lucky.”The best ones even spoof Google’s search page to make it look like a real result.  One of my favorite examples can be found by typing “where is Chuck Norris?” and then hitting “I’m Feeling Lucky.” “French Military Victories” is pretty funny too. Juvenile, I know. But still funny.

Street View

Finally – there are countless funny things to be found on Google Maps Street View, but one of the clearest “easter eggs” can be found right out in front of Google’s Mountain View Headquarters. As much as Google tries to scrub out any street view shenanigans and obscure the faces of individuals caught as the camera passes by, this must not count around their campus headquarters. Check out the view along Amphitheater Way – those Google employees sure love their bikes. And hey, there’s Peg Man!

And what about one of the great games of Super Bowl history, number XVI? As Steinberg calls it, Superstar Quarterback Joe Montana led the 49ers to an impressive 26-21 win over the Bengals, passing for one TD and running for one himself. Although the Bengals gained 356 yards of total offense to the 49ers’ 275, San Francisco forced 5 turnovers and jumped to a 20-0 lead by halftime – the largest shutout lead at halftime in Super Bowl history. This also marked the first time in Super Bowl history that the team which compiled the most yards and touchdowns actually  lost the game.

But Joe Montana did not free the slaves. Nor did he hold a divided nation together through four years of a devastating Civil War.

President Abraham Lincoln wins the 16th head-to-head  battle going away in a cakewalk. Tough luck of the draw, Joe.

And leave it to The Gipper to tie up the score, halting a four game skid of presidential scandal and mediocrity. So how does it end – who wins? At the proverbial two minute warning it is indeed too close to call  – I cannot wait until Sunday evening to find out who wins. From the looks of it, this one might just go into overtime.

UPDATE: The Aints ain’t Aints no more.

Well, the game is over, and Obama lost out to Drew Brees and the New Oleans Saints. In all fairness to Obama, he still has  (at least) three more quarters to play his own version of the political super bowl. The Saints did not look so good in their first quarter, and neither has Obama. The real question is how long can the Republicans can keep up their strategy? I mean how many successful teams start playing their prevent defense in the first quarter of the game, anyway? It may be entertaining for the fans, but you don’t win simply by keeping the other team from scoring. At some point you have to get the ball and run your own plays. One thing is for sure however in Steinberg’s game-by-game analysis: Super Bowl games keep getting better and better (an onsides kick to start off halftime?!?) and politics seem to be tailing off in the other direction.

All that said (and needless to say), on my recent trip to Cancun I sampled quite a few cocktails. Piña Coladas, Margaritas, Mai Tais, Bahama Mamas, Mojitos, and of course the eponymous three-layered Riviera Maya. I even made up my own drink, called a “God Bless America.” Like the Riviera Maya, it also has three layers: the first is Blue Curacao, the second is a Piña Colada, and the third is a Strawberry Margarita. I suggest you drink it with a straw. The bartender renamed it the “Toby Keith,” ’cause what’s more American than that? I am embarrassed to say “Yum.” When in Rome…

Unfortunately i now have the overwhelming love of

getting caught in the rain,
and a penchant for making love at midnight,
but NOT in the dunes at the cape.
That would be too much sand in the privates;
I mean,  I HAVE half a brain…

Following are the notes I used for the ceremony, or what we in the biz like to refer to as:
“The Order of Service.”

Welcome
Welcome, family, friends and loved ones. We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of Irene and Jason. You have all come here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to this union, and to allow Irene and Jason to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them.

So welcome one and all. Irene and Jason thank you for your presence here today, and now ask for your blessing, encouragement, and lifelong support in their decision to be married.

Definition of Marriage
Jason’s sister Jennifer often tells me that she never really knew what true happiness was until the two of us got married; then she usually goes on to say that the problem with this arrangement is that by that point it was too late for her to do anything about it.

I for one love being married to Jennifer – Jason and Irene, If nothing else I can promise you this: after searching and searching and searching it is indeed the greatest fortune of all to finally find that one special person to whom you want to aggravate and annoy for the rest of your life.

Now it is true that marriage is perhaps the greatest and most challenging adventure of all human relationships. No ceremony can create your marriage; only you Jason and Irene can do that – through love and patience; through dedication and perseverance; through talking and listening, through helping and supporting and believing in each other; through tenderness and laughter; through learning to forgive, through learning to appreciate your differences, and by learning to make the important things matter, and letting go of all the rest. What this ceremony can do is to witness and affirm the choice you make to stand together as life-long partners in marriage.

Declaration of Intent
Rusty:
Will you, Jason, take Irene to be your wedded wife?

Jason:
I will

Rusty:
Will you, Irene, take Jason to be your wedded husband?

Irene:
I will

Wedding Vows
Irene and Jason, this is the part of the ceremony where you’re going to say your vows to one another. But before you do that, I ask you to remember that love – which is rooted in faith, trust, and acceptance – is the foundation of an abiding and deepening relationship. No other ties are more tender, and no other vows more sacred than those you are about to assume. If you are able to keep the vows you take here today, not because of any spiritual or civic law, but rather out of a desire to love and be loved by one another fully, without limitation, then your life will have joy and the home you establish together will be a place in which you both will find the direction of your growth, your freedom, and your responsibility.

(Just as a reminder, an appropriate response to each of the following questions might be “I do” or “I will”)

Irene and Jason, do you vow to take each other as wife and husband, to be each other’s constant friend and partner, and each other’s only true love?

Will you work together to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust, one that withstands the tides of time and change, and that grows only stronger along with each other?

Do you both vow to honor and respect each other for all that you are now as well as all that you will become, taking pride in who you are, both separately and together?

Do you promise to challenge each other, and to accept each other’s challenges in return?

Above all, do you promise to give each other your love freely and unconditionally for all the days of your life?

Sand Ceremony
Irene and Jason, today you join your separate lives together. These two individual bottles of sand symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate friends – they represent all that you are and all that you will ever be as an individual.

They also represent your lives before today. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers of sand will no longer exist, but rather will be joined together as one.

Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into their individual containers, so will your marriage be.

Rings / Support of the Community
May I have the rings, please?

It is an old and time-honored tradition that there are three rings in any marriage:
First there is the engagement ring, next there is the wedding ring, and finally comes the suffering. In other words, almost all marriages are happy ones – it is most often the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.

That may or may not actually be true, and only time will tell with Jason and Irene, but there are certainly three pillars of strength upon which their marriage can depend upon for support in times of need.

The first two anchors of any marriage are obvious – and currently they are in the news almost daily: The first are the secular laws that define a marriage in legal terms. The second is of course our spiritual beliefs that are driven by our faith in a universe of order that is larger than our individual selves.

We are all gathered here today most specifically to address publicly the third and perhaps most important of these anchor points: That of the Familial and Convivial, or more simply put, the eternal bond of friends and family as we too join together with Irene and Jason in their marriage.

Fortunately two people in love do not simply marry and live on in isolation. Their love is of course a source of strength with which they may nourish not only each other but also the world around them. In turn, we, their community of friends and family, also have a life-long responsibility to Irene and Jason. By our steadfast care, respect, and love, we can support their marriage and the new family they are together creating today.

The precious metal of these rings symbolize that love is the most precious element in a marriage. The ring has no beginning and no ending, which symbolizes that the love between Irene and Jason will never cease. Forever onward Irene and Jason will wear these rings as a visible sign of the vows that make them husband and wife. Before they share their final vow, I ask that you take a moment through your touch to imbue each ring with the love and support that you have for Irene and Jason, so that these rings may also symbolize the unceasing love and support that we all share for them as well.

Will everyone please rise?

Rusty:
Will you who are present here today both friends and family, forever surround Jason and Irene in love, offering them the joys of your friendship, and supporting them in their marriage?

All:
We will. (be seated)

Rusty:
Now, Irene and Jason please repeat after me:

Jason & Irene (first Jason):
Irene, I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my eternal and everlasting love.

(now Irene):
Jason, I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my eternal and everlasting love.

Pronouncement
By the power of your love and commitment, and the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss each other!

I am pleased to be the first to publicly introduce to everyone the married couple of Irene and Jason Treter.

Exchange the Peace
In closing before we go, Jason and Irene would like to me remind you all that Happiness and Peace are ways of travel through life – they are by no means merely a final destination.

May Peace be with you all; we now ask that you share this peace with each other.

Recessional

All in all, I think it went pretty well. If you get a hankering for me to perform a service for you and your true love feel free to ask, but I will warn you – now that I know how much work it is it will not be cheap, unless of course you fly me to Mexico in January. Then we can talk.