proto|mondo » Asides http://protomondo.com Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:44:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 The Holy Grail of awkward momentshttp://protomondo.com/2010/03/15/the-holy-grail-of-awkward-moments/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/15/the-holy-grail-of-awkward-moments/#comments Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:43:16 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/?p=1647 So I am standing next in line in the Kroger checkout this afternoon behind an Awkwardly Shaped Woman.
Checkout Girl asks her, “So, are you having a boy or a girl?”
Awkward Shaped Woman says, “Excuse me?”
C.G. repeats, only this time a little louder: “Are you having a BOY or a GIRL?”
A.S.W. flatly states, “I am NOT pregnant.”
Without a second of hesitation, C.G. says, “Well you sure look like you are about to pop to me.“
After a brief pause, A.S.W. replies “er, um, well….. thanks?”

by Rusty Smith
]]> So I am standing next in line in the Kroger checkout this afternoon behind an Awkwardly Shaped Woman.
Checkout Girl asks her, “So, are you having a boy or a girl?”
Awkward Shaped Woman says, “Excuse me?”
C.G. repeats, only this time a little louder: “Are you having a BOY or a GIRL?”
A.S.W. flatly states, “I am NOT pregnant.”
Without a second of hesitation, C.G. says, “Well you sure look like you are about to pop to me.“
After a brief pause, A.S.W. replies “er, um, well….. thanks?”

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/15/the-holy-grail-of-awkward-moments/feed/ 0 What do you do when facing down an elephant with three balls?http://protomondo.com/2010/03/12/what-do-you-do-when-facing-down-an-elephant-with-three-balls/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/12/what-do-you-do-when-facing-down-an-elephant-with-three-balls/#comments Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:34:29 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/?p=1611 As your coach I highly suggest that you just walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros.

by Rusty Smith
]]> As your coach I highly suggest that you just walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros.

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/12/what-do-you-do-when-facing-down-an-elephant-with-three-balls/feed/ 0 Made in Alabama.http://protomondo.com/2010/03/10/made-in-alabama/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/10/made-in-alabama/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 04:41:17 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/?p=1601 Today I learned that the toothbrush was invented in the great state of Alabama. What’s the proof? Well, if it were invented anywhere else it would have been called a “teethbrush.”

Hey – I was born AND raised in Alabama – I can tell that joke.

by Rusty Smith
]]> Today I learned that the toothbrush was invented in the great state of Alabama. What’s the proof? Well, if it were invented anywhere else it would have been called a “teethbrush.”

Hey – I was born AND raised in Alabama – I can tell that joke.

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/10/made-in-alabama/feed/ 0 One of those days…http://protomondo.com/2010/03/09/one-of-those-days/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/09/one-of-those-days/#comments Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:38:07 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/?p=1598 Instead of sugar, have you ever mistakenly put salt in your morning cup of coffee? What a way to start the day.

by Rusty Smith
]]> Instead of sugar, have you ever mistakenly put salt in your morning cup of coffee? What a way to start the day.

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/09/one-of-those-days/feed/ 0 Dems continue to blame Bush.http://protomondo.com/2010/03/08/in-need-of-some-a-trim/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/08/in-need-of-some-a-trim/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:34:38 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/2010/03/08/in-need-of-some-a-trim/ And in the case of Megan Mariah Barnes they just may be right. Should Ms Barnes happen to respond to your ad on eHarmony.com, I have but three words for you: RUN!

by Rusty Smith
]]> And in the case of Megan Mariah Barnes they just may be right. Should Ms Barnes happen to respond to your ad on eHarmony.com, I have but three words for you: RUN!

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/08/in-need-of-some-a-trim/feed/ 0 It’s not about the destination; it’s about the process of getting there.http://protomondo.com/2010/03/07/it%e2%80%99s-not-about-the-destination-it%e2%80%99s-about-the-process-of-getting-there/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/07/it%e2%80%99s-not-about-the-destination-it%e2%80%99s-about-the-process-of-getting-there/#comments Sun, 07 Mar 2010 22:27:44 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/2010/03/07/it%e2%80%99s-not-about-the-destination-it%e2%80%99s-about-the-process-of-getting-there/ I don’t mean to come across as rude or argumentative, but trust me: today it is TOTALLY about the destination…

by Rusty Smith
]]> I don’t mean to come across as rude or argumentative, but trust me: today it is TOTALLY about the destination…

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/07/it%e2%80%99s-not-about-the-destination-it%e2%80%99s-about-the-process-of-getting-there/feed/ 0 I want my money back.http://protomondo.com/2010/03/06/i-want-my-money-back/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/06/i-want-my-money-back/#comments Sat, 06 Mar 2010 23:14:00 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/?p=1586 In 1803 the United States paid France 15 million dollars for 828,000 square miles of land west of the Mississippi River known as the Louisiana Territory. This price includes 9 dollars for the area of New Orleans that we now call the “French Quarter.”

by Rusty Smith
]]> In 1803 the United States paid France 15 million dollars for 828,000 square miles of land west of the Mississippi River known as the Louisiana Territory. This price includes 9 dollars for the area of New Orleans that we now call the “French Quarter.”

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/06/i-want-my-money-back/feed/ 0 full upright and locked position.http://protomondo.com/2010/03/05/full-upright-and-locked-position/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/05/full-upright-and-locked-position/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 21:07:59 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/2010/03/05/full-upright-and-locked-position/ Oh, c’mon lady – just because your armrest has a button on it that will make your seat recline, you do not have to feel compelled to use it. I mean, look – your armrest has a little ashtray built into it too, but I don’t see you lighting up a stogie. In fact, I think it is actually illegal to do either. If you think I am lying, why not just turn around and take a poll of the guy sitting directly behind you and see what he thinks. Seriously.

by Rusty Smith
]]> Oh, c’mon lady – just because your armrest has a button on it that will make your seat recline, you do not have to feel compelled to use it. I mean, look – your armrest has a little ashtray built into it too, but I don’t see you lighting up a stogie. In fact, I think it is actually illegal to do either. If you think I am lying, why not just turn around and take a poll of the guy sitting directly behind you and see what he thinks. Seriously.

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/05/full-upright-and-locked-position/feed/ 0 If you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life.http://protomondo.com/2010/03/03/love/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/03/love/#comments Thu, 04 Mar 2010 02:55:12 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/?p=1546 But if you do what you really love, you will wake up before you want to, get home later than you meant to, drive across state lines 6 days in a row, work through the weekend in a place most folks go for vacation, schedule your showers between morning phone calls because you won’t get to them otherwise, and live out of a suitcase via containers that hold 3 ounces or less. Now that is true love.

by Rusty Smith
]]> But if you do what you really love, you will wake up before you want to, get home later than you meant to, drive across state lines 6 days in a row, work through the weekend in a place most folks go for vacation, schedule your showers between morning phone calls because you won’t get to them otherwise, and live out of a suitcase via containers that hold 3 ounces or less. Now that is true love.

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/03/love/feed/ 0 cleanliness is next to godliness.http://protomondo.com/2010/03/01/cleanliness-is-next-to-godliness/ http://protomondo.com/2010/03/01/cleanliness-is-next-to-godliness/#comments Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:45:24 +0000 Rusty Smith http://protomondo.com/?p=1513 Which makes it just this side of impossible. For what it is worth though cleanliness is also in between cleanlily and cleanly. Check it. The OED does not lie.

by Rusty Smith
]]> Which makes it just this side of impossible. For what it is worth though cleanliness is also in between cleanlily and cleanly. Check it. The OED does not lie.

]]> http://protomondo.com/2010/03/01/cleanliness-is-next-to-godliness/feed/ 0