I will admit it: I am a martini kind of guy. Gin and a little dry vermouth, stirred, served straight up in a cocktail glass. If I am feeling crazy I will have a Gibson but only if there is some Hendricks lying around. Even worse, I am a snobby martini kind of guy. Don’t talk to me about vodka martinis, apple martinis, chocolate martinis, Bellini Martinis, kumquat martinis, or anything else that ends in the syllables “tini.” Just because it comes in a cocktail glass does not make it a martini. Sure, it might be a tasty drink, but it is  cocktail, not a martini. Martinis are for grownups. Martinis are about balance; just enough vermouth to round the sharp-edged texture of the gin. That’s it. With only two ingredients, the martini is one of the purest of the mixed-drink forms, one ingredient reciprocating with the other. Anything less would be a shot, anything more is a full-bore cocktail, all about disguising the liquor.

All that said (and needless to say), on my recent trip to Cancun I sampled quite a few cocktails. Piña Coladas, Margaritas, Mai Tais, Bahama Mamas, Mojitos, and of course the eponymous three-layered Riviera Maya. I even made up my own drink, called a “God Bless America.” Like the Riviera Maya, it also has three layers: the first is Blue Curacao, the second is a Piña Colada, and the third is a Strawberry Margarita. I suggest you drink it with a straw. The bartender renamed it the “Toby Keith,” ’cause what’s more American than that? I am embarrassed to say “Yum.” When in Rome…

Unfortunately i now have the overwhelming love of

getting caught in the rain,
and a penchant for making love at midnight,
but NOT in the dunes at the cape.
That would be too much sand in the privates;
I mean,  I HAVE half a brain…