Several months ago Jason and Irene asked if I would perform their marriage ceremony while in Cancun, Mexico. I was honored, but more than that it left me more than a little nervous – I mean, I have enjoyed the opportunity to do lots of things in my life, but perhaps nothing more important than this. I of course immediately accepted. First things first, I attacked the easy part: studying for my Doctor of Divinity, receiving my ordination and title (The Right Reverend Rusty Smith) and obtaining the proper credentials to perform legally binding ceremonies in all fifty states. The tougher part was actually putting together the ceremony; I mean where do you begin? Without going through the whole excruciating exercise front-to-back, the short of it is that I put together a total of five different ceremonies over the Christmas break, but in a fit of inspiration (woe it is to be a designer) I crashed through the sixth all day yesterday only hours before the ceremony.  I really had no choice – after spending two days in Mexico with all of Irene & Jason’s friends and family (they are my family too, of course) it became crystal clear to me why we were all here together and exactly what is really important in a marriage. It is traditional to talk about “Love” and “God” and all those things that keep a married couple together through both thick and thin, but it has really been my experience that it is friends and family that count the most when the chips are down. At least that is the case with these friends and this family. In other words, I believe that if you do it right – you not only marry your best friend and true love – you marry their family as well, and they in turn marry you and yours. I just cannot imagine that there is a better family around, and now with Irene in the mix, it has only gotten better.

Following are the notes I used for the ceremony, or what we in the biz like to refer to as:
“The Order of Service.”

Welcome
Welcome, family, friends and loved ones. We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of Irene and Jason. You have all come here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to this union, and to allow Irene and Jason to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them.

So welcome one and all. Irene and Jason thank you for your presence here today, and now ask for your blessing, encouragement, and lifelong support in their decision to be married.

Definition of Marriage
Jason’s sister Jennifer often tells me that she never really knew what true happiness was until the two of us got married; then she usually goes on to say that the problem with this arrangement is that by that point it was too late for her to do anything about it.

I for one love being married to Jennifer – Jason and Irene, If nothing else I can promise you this: after searching and searching and searching it is indeed the greatest fortune of all to finally find that one special person to whom you want to aggravate and annoy for the rest of your life.

Now it is true that marriage is perhaps the greatest and most challenging adventure of all human relationships. No ceremony can create your marriage; only you Jason and Irene can do that – through love and patience; through dedication and perseverance; through talking and listening, through helping and supporting and believing in each other; through tenderness and laughter; through learning to forgive, through learning to appreciate your differences, and by learning to make the important things matter, and letting go of all the rest. What this ceremony can do is to witness and affirm the choice you make to stand together as life-long partners in marriage.

Declaration of Intent
Rusty:
Will you, Jason, take Irene to be your wedded wife?

Jason:
I will

Rusty:
Will you, Irene, take Jason to be your wedded husband?

Irene:
I will

Wedding Vows
Irene and Jason, this is the part of the ceremony where you’re going to say your vows to one another. But before you do that, I ask you to remember that love – which is rooted in faith, trust, and acceptance – is the foundation of an abiding and deepening relationship. No other ties are more tender, and no other vows more sacred than those you are about to assume. If you are able to keep the vows you take here today, not because of any spiritual or civic law, but rather out of a desire to love and be loved by one another fully, without limitation, then your life will have joy and the home you establish together will be a place in which you both will find the direction of your growth, your freedom, and your responsibility.

(Just as a reminder, an appropriate response to each of the following questions might be “I do” or “I will”)

Irene and Jason, do you vow to take each other as wife and husband, to be each other’s constant friend and partner, and each other’s only true love?

Will you work together to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust, one that withstands the tides of time and change, and that grows only stronger along with each other?

Do you both vow to honor and respect each other for all that you are now as well as all that you will become, taking pride in who you are, both separately and together?

Do you promise to challenge each other, and to accept each other’s challenges in return?

Above all, do you promise to give each other your love freely and unconditionally for all the days of your life?

Sand Ceremony
Irene and Jason, today you join your separate lives together. These two individual bottles of sand symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate friends – they represent all that you are and all that you will ever be as an individual.

They also represent your lives before today. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers of sand will no longer exist, but rather will be joined together as one.

Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into their individual containers, so will your marriage be.

Rings / Support of the Community
May I have the rings, please?

It is an old and time-honored tradition that there are three rings in any marriage:
First there is the engagement ring, next there is the wedding ring, and finally comes the suffering. In other words, almost all marriages are happy ones – it is most often the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.

That may or may not actually be true, and only time will tell with Jason and Irene, but there are certainly three pillars of strength upon which their marriage can depend upon for support in times of need.

The first two anchors of any marriage are obvious – and currently they are in the news almost daily: The first are the secular laws that define a marriage in legal terms. The second is of course our spiritual beliefs that are driven by our faith in a universe of order that is larger than our individual selves.

We are all gathered here today most specifically to address publicly the third and perhaps most important of these anchor points: That of the Familial and Convivial, or more simply put, the eternal bond of friends and family as we too join together with Irene and Jason in their marriage.

Fortunately two people in love do not simply marry and live on in isolation. Their love is of course a source of strength with which they may nourish not only each other but also the world around them. In turn, we, their community of friends and family, also have a life-long responsibility to Irene and Jason. By our steadfast care, respect, and love, we can support their marriage and the new family they are together creating today.

The precious metal of these rings symbolize that love is the most precious element in a marriage. The ring has no beginning and no ending, which symbolizes that the love between Irene and Jason will never cease. Forever onward Irene and Jason will wear these rings as a visible sign of the vows that make them husband and wife. Before they share their final vow, I ask that you take a moment through your touch to imbue each ring with the love and support that you have for Irene and Jason, so that these rings may also symbolize the unceasing love and support that we all share for them as well.

Will everyone please rise?

Rusty:
Will you who are present here today both friends and family, forever surround Jason and Irene in love, offering them the joys of your friendship, and supporting them in their marriage?

All:
We will. (be seated)

Rusty:
Now, Irene and Jason please repeat after me:

Jason & Irene (first Jason):
Irene, I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my eternal and everlasting love.

(now Irene):
Jason, I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my eternal and everlasting love.

Pronouncement
By the power of your love and commitment, and the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss each other!

I am pleased to be the first to publicly introduce to everyone the married couple of Irene and Jason Treter.

Exchange the Peace
In closing before we go, Jason and Irene would like to me remind you all that Happiness and Peace are ways of travel through life – they are by no means merely a final destination.

May Peace be with you all; we now ask that you share this peace with each other.

Recessional

All in all, I think it went pretty well. If you get a hankering for me to perform a service for you and your true love feel free to ask, but I will warn you – now that I know how much work it is it will not be cheap, unless of course you fly me to Mexico in January. Then we can talk.