This is Karen. She runs the show on the morning shift at the on-campus Starbucks. Every morning she welcomes me by name and alerts the barista on duty as to my regular order (Cinnamon Scone with a Venti Black Tea Latte) without even asking. Sometimes I wonder if she is just showing off – I think she is trying to rub in her superior mnemonic abilities. Then again, I know it is really just that she is required to do it as part of her job – it is Starbucks way to “feel” like a local coffee shop. Here’s a tip Starbucks: if you really want to feel like a local edgy urban joint, all of your employees should show up to work late, open up shop whenever they feel up to it, act real surly, never recognize a customer no matter how often they stop in, and never, ever get an order right. Unless of course the patron has at least an arm full of tattoos and maybe even an ear plug or two.

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

Honestly I know this tactic of customer recognition is simply an extremely efficient marketing gimmick: I never feel like I have the authority to change my order, as Karen has worked so hard to remember it. So there is absolutely no room for wishy-washiness in this line – let’s keep it moving, people. The down side for me is that the special feeling that the recognition confers only lasts a few seconds; the moment Karen’s attention moves to the next person behind me (“Hello Nicole how are you this morning? – A half caf caramel caramel macchiato for Nicole – next in line please”) causes my momentary elation to swiftly shift to the feeling that I am being kicked to the curb and cheated on. This just makes me want to cheat back – next week I think I am going to Caribou.

Ah, who am I kidding – maybe I can win her back next week, if only I smile more and am more attentive to her needs. Besides – she really doesn’t know my name – she actually thinks it’s Treter. So now just who is cheating on whom, Karen, hmmmmm?