So here we are, another year, almost another decade (seriously, that is not until next year). This is of course the time when we are supposed to reflect on our shortcomings and decide to change ourselves for the better, usually even committing to do something over the course of the next year like “lose weight” or “quit smoking.” If you are like most people, that usually lasts until Valentine’s Day. If you are like me on the other hand – you will probably only make it to Martin Luther King day. This is highly problematic to me, because while I am far from a perfectionist,  I do HATE not getting stuff done that I intend. As such, rather than make resolutions that I know i will not keep, my own personal new years tradition is simply to mull through the things that I think are working out, and consider some things that I could probably do a little better, and then file them away into some sort of low grade awareness place slightly behind my neocortex but still above my hippocampus.

So I had quite a bit of time to noodle this through today while running slogging around Kennesaw Mountain.

And what is up with that, btw? I mean we KNOW not to go to the gym until after Valentine’s day, but we had to drive all over just to find a parking spot in a national park – I guess a lot of people resolved to get out doors more this year…

Anyway, as I was shuffling along around the bottom loop, I remembered thinking this time last year (and the year before that, and the year before that, etc, and so on) that this was not going to happen again – that I WOULD maintain my fitness from September until January this time around. But instead, here we are in the same old place, again.

So, what to do? It seems that no matter how hard one might try, the special powers of resolutions made on New Year’s Day is this: not only do they not come true, more often than not the opposite actually does. So at the 5 mile mark of my run I had an epiphany: I for one clearly understand the powers of reverse psychology (as a college professor it is my primary stock and trade), so why not pull the wool over the eyes of the fates by declaring January first as an opposite day as well as a resolution day? Sheer genius, I tell you.

So here they are, my incomplete New Year’s Resolutions – maybe I will even add some as the year goes on. This promises to be a GREAT one!

• I am going to work a lot harder, ignoring completely everyone and everything around me.
• I am intentionally going to let my fitness go to hell, hopefully gaining at least 25 pounds in the process.
• I am going to cook much less, and eat out more often, preferably fast food.
• I am going to break out the ‘ol checkbook and buy whatever I want, whenever I want it.
• I will work diligently to squash every bit of “me time” from my day.
• I am going to watch a whole lot more TV, and read books quite a bit less.
• I will definitely continue to ignore my online presence completely.
• I am going to learn nothing new for one whole year – nada, zilch, zero.
• When writing this blog, I will begin as many  paragraphs with the word “so” as is humanly possible.

And finally, for those of you who think resolutions should be less about “do” and more about “be,” I will do my best to be:

• more lazy
• more close-minded
• more impatient
• less helpful
• less forgiving
• much less organized
• mostly just down-right mean

So, wish me success, and knock yourself out with your own resolutions – my final resolution is that I will cheer you on and support you in the goals you have set for your own life this year.

Seriously.